Friday, May 15, 2009

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.”

I binged last night and it's made me feel surprisingly calm this morning. I've decided not to weigh in this week because I have the enkai tonight so I think the number will make me want to cry, but it's safe to assume it's a gain, and probably not a small one. I'll update the number when I think it won't knock me back. I don't keep junk/trigger food in the house so I went to the 24hr supermarket a minute or so walk away to get my fix, but I couldn't finish all the food I bought as it was making me feel sick. How did I used to eat so much on my binges before? It's been a couple of months since I had this problem last and I did a fair bit of damage, and yet I know I went through a period whee I was binging almost every night and was eating a lot more.

Things are OK today, in fact more than OK, I'm feeling positively chipper. I'm not sure why but let's go with it. I still have all the food in the world coming tonight, but my brain chemistry seems to have leveled off a little so I'm not (currently) in the depths of despair. I took a vacation day yesterday because I didn't go to bed until about 3am and that meant I felt sick when I woke up in the morning, so I decided not to go in as I had no lessons. I really should sort out my sleep, I was more on track when I was sleeping proper hours. I've finished my one lesson for today and have decided to use a little vacation on the rest of today too. I guess I'm just kind of sick of this week and want it to be over? I'm fed up of just sitting here with nothing to do. It's exam week next week so I'm going to have looooooads of time to plan lessons and stuff as there are no lessons, so I don't need to do it today.

I'm going to do what I can to stay positive, and not to binge for the rest of today just because I have this dinner coming. Tomorrow is the start of my week in terms of dieting so I'll start fresh and try to have a really clean week. I want to get in a good amount of exercise today as I've been slacking and my pedal isn't fixed yet, but I won the auction so the new strap should be with me soon.

I'm trying guys. It's not easy, but in the end I find this easier mentally than feeling worthless because I binged or haven't exercised, even if I forget that sometimes.


Wei Sic Meow said...

Hang in there hon. It's done and you're moving on. End of.

Emma said...

Well done for carrying on. We all fall of the wagon from time to time. I have only just got back on after falling off it big time for the last 4 months lol!!

Keep positive.


Anonymous said...

I'm really glad you're not feeling down.
Binges are going to happen, less and less often, but they still are a possibility.We have to learn to ackowledge and move on!
Good job and have fun tonight

Lauren said...

hey, haven't seen you in a few days, how is it going?

Lauren said...

Well happy birthday, I hope you have a great one. And I'm sure you'll get back on track.

fighting_fat said...

Hope you are feeling ok, haven't seen you around in a while

Rachit Dayal said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ani pesto said...

{{hugs}} feeling for you

I'm glad you're feeling calm though, your attitude sounds remarkably healthy. Each day as it comes and no self-beating.

Keep your chin up chick x