Thursday, March 19, 2009

Huh.

I've been talking about how I've been keeping on track with the exercise and how great that makes me feel, but it wasn't until I was filling in my calendar a minute ago that I realised 'dude, those days are stacking up!'. I'm nearly at the end of week three, and even though I've had days when it's taken a little mental arse-kicking to get me started, I'm not counting down the days until I can have a break. This surprises me. Pleasantly so, but definitely surprising.

I like how I've been this week. Usually when I go off track with my eating, it leads to a binge. I haven't felt the sense of panic I usually do when I fine myself not following whatever I've planned. Instead of my head nearly exploding and running to the 24 hour supermarket, I seemed to have gained a strange sense of logic towards the whole thing (I'm sure I'll look back on this when I'm having a harder time and want to kick myself for putting this into words, like I'm trying to jinx myself). Take yesterday for example: I ate half a cake. Half of a whole cake! And I could easily have eaten the rest, I wanted to. Instead of doing that and throwing myself into a downward shame spiral about it, I entered all the ingredients into daily plate and figured out how many calories I'd had that day. Some very calm mental arithmetic told me that if I stopped now, counted that as dinner, and did my exercise I could end my day on calories. If I ate the rest of the cake I couldn't. It wasn't worth it, I packed up what was left for school and that was that.

I don't know exactly what's happening in my head, or how I got here, but I'd really like to stay a while.

Thanks to a public holiday tomorrow, it's a three day weekend! Oh what fun! I shall relish the extra chance to sleep in. I'm going to do another 10km before bed (I did 10 when I first got home), so I'm not hugely behind target for the week, but it will be nice to have the extra time to get it done. My fairly local friends are off doing things this weekend (one is doing the Tokyo marathon!) so it should be pretty quiet.

2 comments:

Lauren said...

could you draw me a map to that head place?

ani pesto said...

hehe Lauren, I couldn't have said it better. Way to go, that's a fantastic place to be in.

I still get the panicky feeling, in fact I got it tonight when there were hot chips at the pub and I had one... which led to a few... which led to losing count. I didn't go to binge but I did have to leave the pub feeling out of control.

That cake looks so scrummy, amazing you stopped when you did.