Saturday, February 21, 2009

WI

It's that time of week again and the official weigh in is down 1kg (2.2lbs).

In a way I almost feel like I should be able to put a bigger number up, not because 1kg is a bad loss by any means, but because TOM had my top weight at something like 109.2. I feel like I spent a lot of the week 'fixing' it rather than seeing new numbers. I made my exercise goal last night, but it didn't make a difference on the scale. I'm not too worried about that. I can't expect to make big drops every night, it doesn't work that way.

I'm happy to be in the 106s though, as it's putting me closer to how much I weighed when I first arrived in Japan. At the bottom of this page I have a ticker with my short term goal on it. I'm trying to get to 95kg at the moment. When I got here I was about 103kg, and shuttled between 99 ad 103 for the first summer. I have a yearly school medical at the hospital (all teachers have to do it) in August/September time. My first year I was 102kg, my second I was 114kg. I had a note in Japanese that I'm sure said they were worried about my weight gain because it was the only thing that had changed. It would be great to be able to show them a significant change (though to be honest I'd like to be well below 95kg by then).

I'm feeling kind of... skittish. I finally had money to go grocery shopping last night and the urge to binge was strong. I headed it off a little by making a list before I left the house, but it was a really close thing. I ended up getting a little pot of Marron flavoured pudding (127cal) to assuage my need for something creamy and comforting. I'm fairly sure my need to eat was emotional, made worse by a slight hunger, so I was trying hard not to give in. I'm really trying to put those feelings into words, once I can name them and recognize them, I can know and deal with them. I think it's because a big part of my brain is saying that there is no way I can possibly lose weight next week with so many things happening, no matter what effort I put in, and if I 'm not going to see results then what's the point? Though I've enjoyed the last couple of weeks, it has required effort and a lot of focus from me. The thought of doing everything required to meet my goals and seeing no loss or worse, is hitting me kind of hard.

At the same time I don't really have any choice but to do it, because if I just go mad there's a chance I won't get back to how things have been the last few weeks. I'll gain back everything I've lost, and I'm so sick of having to start over again.

I'm clinging on, and just about making it. I'm hoping that it will pass soon. I just want to get through this next week.

Goals for the next week: Bike at least 100km no matter what. Try not to freak out, I only have to get through my next meal. Drink lots of water. Pack lunches for school.

5 comments:

fighting_fat said...

I think you've done amazingly well over the past couple of weeks and I've been drawing inspiration from your discipline and enthusiasm.

I know it can be frustrating when the scales don't reflect all the hard work we've been doing.

I do remember one thing being useful a few years back when I didn't have a scale at home at that time, which meant I focussed on eating well and exercising regularly and only noticed the weight loss when others commented or Clothes became looser! (not having a scale took away the anxiety and stress which I found a blessing at the time, however prob wont work now as I have a scale and obsessively check it every day!)

ALl the best with ur goals.

SeaShore said...

Keep reminding yourself of how hard you've been working. As you say, you don't want to have to start over again.

Congrats on your 1kg loss!

Cammy said...

Kudos on a great loss!

You'll always be faced with social challenges, and this could be a fun test of your ability to
Just focus on making the best choices possible (YOU are in charge, after all!) and you'll do okay.

Claudelle's Weight Challenge said...

Well done on the loss. I only seem to loose 1kg a week. You are doing so well. All the best for the days ahead. Have a great day.

Charlie Hills said...

Well from here, it sounds like you have things figured out. The "don't freak out" part is a good tip. :)