Saturday, January 24, 2009

Okay, I've had enough of this bullshit.

And you know I'm serious this time because I cleaned the clutter in my apartment so that it no longer feels like it's closing in on me.

Since I've gotten back things have been bad in the food/exercise department. In a way that surprised me because when I got back from the holiday I was feeling good. But days have turned to weeks and I don't want it to turn to months. I'm just at the point where I've got a choice to give up and keep going the way I am until I get so heavy and sick of myself I'm forced to try again, or to get up, skip any further period of self hatred for the time being, and try it now.

I weighed myself this morning. It's high (of course) but not insanely considering how I've been eating. I'm back on South Beach as of right now, bananas I had for breakfast be dammed, I don't want to give myself a chance to pig out again tonight because 'it's the last time'.

I'm thinking of buying an exercise bike. I actually want a treadmill, but buying one will be too expensive because I can't take it home, and they take up more space than a bike. The bike will also be expensive because most exercise machines I've looked at have a maximum user weight of 90kg (damn those tiny Japanese people!) so I'm having to pay more for a model that goes up to 120 and there aren't many options.

I was going to wait and get the treadmill when I got home, but I'm here for at least another 18 months and I just don't think I can wait that long. I won't be able to buy the bike until I get paid on Feb 21st anyhow because my last pay-cheque just went into my bank back in the UK so I don't have the money. I can't use an international credit card (it's a good thing in the long run, believe me) on so I have to pay cash on delivery. I'll still be able to send some money home to save, but not as much as I was going to.


ani pesto said...

Behind you all the way. I've just been through an almost identical process, re-arranging the furniture and de-cluttering, lots of self-bargaining and finally, eventually snapping back into it after months of nonsense.

Sending you heaps of good wishes and virtual strength, you sound like you have the mindset all sorted and the actions are starting to follow. Best of luck, you know you can do it.

carla said...

I so encourage the cardio machine purchase.
whatever you can afford and if that's nothing then overextend yourself :)
I NEVER SAY THAT about ANYTHING but exercise stuff...having it at HOME will be invaluable!


Diana Swallow said...

I think that buying something is better than nothing. If you can't buy something right away, I really like the workout I get from Jillian Michaels Frontside/Backside DVD, its circuit training you could do in your living room with some hand weights, a step, resistance bands, balance ball and they are all very portable and can go home with you. I'd also suggest looking in second hand shops for equipment too because so many people buy the stuff and never use it.

I love your determination and I'm here to cheer you on all the way!!

Anonymous said...

I third any exercise equipment purchase with the proviso that you don't put it away - keep it in sight at all times! As soon as it gets put away to 'tidy up', it tends to stay there in my experience! I have my dumbbells on my bookshelf in the living room so I see them staring at me when I'm watching tv ... makes me use them!

Good luck!