Friday, October 31, 2008

Cycling to 'high' in the weight loss circle

Yesterday I came home tired and a little hungry, and resisted the urge to hit the supermarket and take the easy way out.

So glad I did! The dinner I made was soooo good. I had some scallops in the freezer so I defrosted them and some prawns (shrimp). I sauteed some onion and garlic in a little olive oil, then added white wine (well, technically 'apple and fiber' wine, it was all that was in the house after a party about six months ago, I'm not a big drinker), and some chili powder. When that was ready I stirred in the quartered scallops and the shrimp and left it in the pan until the seafood was cooked through. I sprinkled a little cheese on it and done! It was fast and delicious. I'm going to try and get more fish in my diet as a healthy source of protein, so it worked out really well.

I have some ore fish in my freezer (misc type of white fish fillets, I couldn't read the label), so I may cook those and serve them on top of the same tomato mixture. Failing that I have some vegetables that need using because I neglected home cooking for so long, so I may end up throwing all my veg in a pan with some beef and onions and making a curry with them.

Halloween party tonight. I'm fairly sure I won't be drinking (as I mentioned I'm not a big drinker, and I don't have the money for it right now anyhow, though I do get a free drink with admission) but the real test will be not ordering food at the bar when I get hungry. I don't know how much time I'll have to make dinner because people are coming to stay at mine and I'm helping decorate the place. I may put the curry on anyway and put some brown rice in the rice cooker (I found brown rice, yay!) then if worst comes to worst I can take a break from the party (I live opposite the venue) and grab a quick dinner at home.

My supervisor just came over with a mikan so I've got miso soup and mikan (a satsuma) for lunch - good times.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

November Goal

Tully has had a really good idea for November where she's going to try and not eat out for the whole month. I think this is a really good idea and I'm going to do the same, with a few adaptions.

1) I am going to have one eat out meal a week, on Tuesdays at lunch, because that is the day we have a visiting teacher and we always go out to eat. I will try to practice healthy habits where-ever we go though.

2) I am going to include certain parts of my supermarket as 'take-away' food, and therefore include that in the foods I won't have in November. Specifically, I'm not allowing myself to go to the bakery, or to buy anything from the 'ready to eat' service section, because these are two really bad areas for me. Not only do I spent too much money there, the foods are often bought either as part of a binge, or they cause one later. Until/If I can learn to control myself with them we'll talk, but if I'm honest with myself I know that right now I can't.

I think this will be really good for me. It cuts out a huge part of where my worst choices are being made, and financially it will help me to get through this month. I've gotten really bad at packing my lunch for work too, leading me to spend money at the konbini on sandwiches and things, which I think leads me to my next point:

3) No more konbini lunches.

Now, I've been eating fairly healthily buying lunch there quite recently, but in terms of money it's not worth it to spend the extra with things so tight, and mentally I think it's bad for me. There's always the temptation (whether I give in to it or not) so why make it harder on myself? I've bought some instant miso soup packs instead, that way they're in my drawer waiting when I get to school so I don't have to remember to do anything. Also, cheap!

Gah! I want to lose weight. I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT! Obviously I want it all gone, but right now I just want to be at the point where it' not all hanging off my face, which as I mentioned before means losing about 20lbs. If I knuckle down maybe I could lose that before I leave on holiday?

If I knuckle down? Bah. I hate that it's still a question in my head. Why do I do this?

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Food and money=99% of my brain space

My supermarket has started selling mozzarella balls (actual small mounds of it packed in liquid, rather than the ready-shredded stuff). I'm not normally a cheese person, I'll eat it melted on stuff, but cheese for cheese's sake? nahh. However yesterday something in my brain went 'mmmmmm nom nom nom' and I came home with a pack. I'm sitting at my computer now with a tomato and mozzarella salad and not regretting the decision one little bit. I laid alternate thick slices of tomatoes and thinner slices of cheese, then sprinkled it with a liberal shake of oregano and drizzled it with olive oil and balsamic vinegar.

So good.

I had a bit of a nasty shock at the ATM today when I realised I've got much (much!) less money in there than I thought, I should have been paying more attention and now I'm going to be living extremely frugally for the next month as payday was only last week. In an attempt to make sure this doesn't sneak up on me again I got my supervisor to take me to the bank so I could re-order my passbook. They don't have statements sent to you here, you just have a little book that you pop into the ATM and it updates your transactions. Ingenious really, unless you're one of those people (*cough*) that lose their passbooks a week after you move in and just rely on checking your balance every now and again.

On the plus side, my lack of money meant that I couldn't just mindlessly hit the service section of the supermarket when I got hungry tonight, leaving me to forage in my sadly neglected fridge.

I had some Halloween activities I was helping with over the last week and it's resulting in some photos of me that are truly horrifying. I hate being this weight. There is a certain point (about 20-25lbs under where I am now) that all the weight I gain shows up on my face.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Disappearing Act

Wow, so that week and a half went by quite quickly!

The Good I tidied my house after that last post, a complete tidy right down to cleaning the bathrooms, and it made me feel much better. I've pretty much kept it clean since (though the rubbish needs taking out but I keep missing the collection).

I'm feeling quite good. Not over the top great, not awful, steady.

The Bad: My eating did not follow the major clean. I have been to the supermarket late night several times this week. I have come home and binged. I avoided my blog and however I may feel now, I have to get myself to at least be honest and admit behaviour like this when it happens instead of vanishing the way I do.

The Not So Ugly: I finally weighed myself this morning (my blog wasn't the only thing I was avoiding) and it came out as only 0.8kg higher that my last official weigh in. It's a little discouraging to think that this is where I was a month ago (almost to the day), but it could of (should of?) been so much worse.

So that's where I am. If I take three steps forward and two steps back that's still progress right? Today has been fine, I ate my carbohydrate at lunch-time when I went to Sato (a restraint in the city centre) and had beef suki-udon (a Kansai regional variation on a classic Nabe dish. The wiki picture (with the on-table gas ring) is very accurate, though mine was a single person set. I always find it fun to eat). I think if I look back and am honest, I could have started eating properly sooner than this, but I've been busy and just kept putting off for tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. I'm busy this weekend too but I'm going to do my best, eventually I have to learn how not to let everything go to pot when I have to work around real life.

Another thing I keep putting off is starting exercise again. I walk to school and back, but I do nothing organised.

ETA: Does anyone know if miso soup is allowed on South Beach? If it's not then maybe today wasn't completely on plan...

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Hope

I woke up this morning feeling a pressing need to sort myself out. I was planning to just take whatever weigh in came on Monday and then move back to phase one for a week or two, but then as I was lying in bed thinking what I should have for breakfast (err.. note to self takoyaki [fried dough balls with a piece of octopus inside] are not a breakfast food) and I realised that the thought of eating it didn't really make me happy. I made me feel slightly panicked and worried. Food shouldn't make me feel that way.

I've got this energy humming though me right now, even sitting here I'm tapping my foot unable to keep still. I want to clean my apartment, and do my laundry. I want to eat on plan, take a shower and then put on my make-up I have a friend coming over tonight so cleaning was on the cards anyhow, but it's everything. I woke up this morning telling myself I don't want to get caught in that unhappy downward spiral again and instead of having that choking, hopeless feeling, I felt invigorated. The choices that I have to make to stop it seem so clear and manageable, and I don't understand why it can seem so difficult one day and so easy the next.

The scale is going to be up tomorrow, but strangly, right this second, that doesn't seem like the end of the world (even though I deserve it).

Friday, October 10, 2008

*head explodes*

Aargh, food has been kind of terrible the last few days and with my Stitch'n'Bitch being hosted in Mr Donuts tomorrow, closely followed by the Tsu Matsuri (mmm... street food) that afternoon, I don't see it getting any better.

I'm expecting a gain next week. I think I'm going to go back to phase one for a week or two and cut things out again. Bad carbs have been creeping back into my diet and have brought all the cravings back with them, which is something I was really worried about. Better to kick it out early before this gets too out of hand again.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Hee

The last few days have been quite good for my ego. Because of exam week and other things the students don't see me very often, which means they haven't all seen my new (very different) haircut. So I finally had a lesson today and they all started squealing about how cute and pretty I was. Then later I had to go see a teacher in another staff room and one of the students got so involved with giving me a smile and a bow when our eyes happened to meet as I was walking by that he fell down the slope at the side of the path (his friend was practically wetting himself laughing). Finally I went out to lunch with some teachers and a friend and the server who came in with out lunch sets was saying in Japanese how beautiful and white my skin was (I'm very pale [blue eyes/reddish hair], even by western standards).

I'll admit, it's had me preening a little.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Just keep telling yourself that...

There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion.
- Sir Francis Bacon


Auntie Flo is still here, but after bloating up for a day or so my weight is back down to That Damn Number again. We'll see what happens once she's gone.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

It's here

My stomach-ache finally came to fruition after too many days wait. I weighed in the very slightest speck down this morning, so I don't have any great hopes for tomorrow, but I'm hoping this means I'll be able to actually drop some numbers next week.

I'm finding it really hard to stick to things without seeing any results. It's too easy to rationalise, too easy to slip, too easy to say I just plain don't care. I'm hoping to see a little difference tomorrow, but I think that it may be unrealistic. I need to see a result on the 13th though, because there will be no reason not to, and I doubt my ability to keep doing what I'm doing otherwise.

Full disclosure: I ate the brownies. Defrosted and scoffed them. They were good. I regret it.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

And so it goes

Last night I had a craving of brownies which led me to make a pan of them at 11pm at night and then eat 2/5ths of it. Not that it matters because apparently my fat is now made of PLASTIC and it made not one blind bit of difference to the scale, which is still staying firmly in place with nary a move.

Luckily I came to my senses before I ate the whole pan. After the first lot I was feeling slightly sick. In the past (God, only a month ago? feels longer) I would wait for the feeling to die down and then have one or two more, then wait again, lather, rinse, repeat. It sounds so screwed up when I actually write that and read it back.

When I realised I was feeling a little sick yesterday I knew I'd gone past the point I should have finished and decided to get them out the way instead of leaving them out and picking at them. I cut them into squares and put them into bags in my freezer. They an be there when a chocolate craving hits next month.

I don't know why I made them. If I'm honest with myself, after I had had a couple of spoons of the batter I was feeling ok and could have stopped there, but then the brownies were in the oven and smelling good while they cooked.

I didn't really realise it, but thinking back to last night, I actually spent some time convincing myself to eat something bad. My period still hasn't turned up so I guess I can't blame that.

So yeah, no movement. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Friday, October 3, 2008

NaNoWriMo

Is anyone taking part in NaNoWriMo this year? I've never done it but I'm thinking maybe.

Princess? Didn't you give this a stab last time? I seem to remember you disappearing for a bit to try, what are your thoughts on it?

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Come on already

Auntie Flo got stuck in traffic and did not arrive. If there is one thing that pisses me off more than getting my period, it's hanging around knowing it's coming but has yet to appear.

Mr. Blue Skies

Summer is making one last gasp in my city; I awoke to brilliant blue skies stretched as far as the eye could see. My staff room has all it's windows and doors open to allow the air to come through, an act that makes much more sense now it's not cold and rainy (they all seemed shocked when I shut the window next to me last week?). I don't foresee the weather lasting long though, we're forecasted rain for Sunday. Aside from getting soaked on my walk to/from school I don't really mind.

The scale hasn't moved in 3 days, not a wobble, nada. I was a little worried because this is unusual behaviour for my body, I may not lose but I fluctuate up and down, but then I remembered that I tend to level off a little higher just before a period, and if memory serves I am due a visit from Auntie Flo anytime now (especially if the heaviness and slight stomach pain working it's way down my body has anything to do with it). The good news is that if she arrives today then I weighed in as the same rather than higher, whereas I usually gain. I'm hoping this is a sign of good things to come when my body settles down again, but I don't know if it will be over in time for me to post a loss for this weeks Christmas Challenge.

ETA: New Layout! Mwahaha, I love the new blog background site.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Bah!

I'm out of porridge oats and eggs (note to self: go shopping later) which left me with a starch to use this lunch time. Unfortunately allowed starched can be difficult to find here, but I finally decided on a chicken/tomato/vegetable pasta sauce, over soba noodles instead of regular spaghetti.

It tasted fine, but after some research I've realised that I used too much pasta! On the phase 2 food list it says that a serving is 3/4 cup cooked noodles but I had some problems with the cup to gramme conversion rate. I was under the impression that a cup was 250g, which would make 3/4 cups 187.5g (which is what I ate). Now I'm reading online that a cup of pasta is 140g? It's frustrating! I wish there were a way to find out for sure what exactly the conversions are, too many websites contradict each other.

The pasta comes in 100g dry bundles, so I cooked one and then measured out the cooked weight serving, leaving me with a little left over (not much). As I'm in the second week of phase 2 I can add another portion of starch to my day (for a total of two), so I think I'll have the small left over for dinner with the rest of the sauce. Hopefully overall that should even things out and it should make 2 servings total.