Thursday, June 19, 2008

Panic

At the end of ESS club last night one of the girls said she had to do a presentation on her favourite subject, English, and wanted some pictures of us (in funny poses). We agreed and messed around for 5 minutes so that she could take the shot.

Afterwards she showed us the photos, and they looked so bad I felt ill. I've spent the last to days with that odd feeling of panic clawing at my throat, gottodosomethinggottodosomethinggottodosomething. I'm going home in a month; I can't look like that! I won't fit on the plane!

The rational, it has abandoned me. I went online and ordered meal replacement shakes (it took me some time to find one that wasn't LOADED WITH HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, seriously manufacturers, can we talk about counter productive?). I've never used meal replacement shakes before, except for that one time when I was 15 and it lasted a day. It was long before I realised the importance of things like protein and fibre. It may not work, but if lets me breath properly again then I'm willing to try.

I can't do this anymore guys. I'm really starting to hate myself.

3 comments:

kathrynoh said...

If the shakes get you started on the right track then go for it I reckon :D

good luck - and get a copy of those photos cos you'll need some "before" shots someday!

Cammy said...

It's not as bad as you fear. We're our own worst critics when it comes to our photographs.

While I'm sorry you've been feeling panicky, I do know that sometimes we need these kind of things to happen to us. A wake up call, of sorts.

I hope the meal replacement shakes work for you, and that you're able to use them in a way that will get you moving in the right direction again.

pantrypuff said...

Whenever I see photos of myself (besides being personally appalled) I compare myself to the other people and feel like I'm being judged.

Then I realize that people don't see me as a weight. They see my personality and other attributes. It's hard seeing yourself as a whole person because stupid photos don't capture that.

Just a thought.